Lesson #1: Sean is the most sincere bachelor they’ve ever had on the show.
Chris Harrison says this to the ladies at the start of this weeks episode before giving out the first date card. What is this supposed to mean? Sean really wants to get married is opposed to all the previous bachelor’s who just wanted to sleep with a large group of attractive women (this may be true, aside from the part about Sean actually wanting to get married).
Lesson #2: Sarah only has one arm.
Just in case you didn’t notice, it’s true she only has one arm (even though it’s more like 1 and three-quarters). Virtually every interview with Sarah is her discussing the fact she only has one arm, but shouldn’t be treated differently because of it (I know this is at least partially if not mostly the producer’s fault but still). She received the first individual date, and she picked up by Sean in a helicopter. As they are making the ride to their date destination Sarah dropped one of my favorite lines of the night stating “I might seem unapproachable because I only have one arm, but my ability to love someone is not effected by how many hands I have” (deep stuff). Later in the date, following a tandem jump off the roof of a building Sarah shares a tragic story with Sean. She had tried to go zip lining with her father in Las Vegas years earlier and wasn’t allowed to because of her disability, her pain and humiliation was immense. (I’m not trying to hate on the girl with one arm, I swear, but she just gives so many great opportunities. Also her voice is incredibly annoying, I think I’d like her better if she couldn’t talk).
Lesson #3: Tierra is smart (wink, wink)
Following the individual date with Sarah, next we get to head out on the group date. The date consists of a modeling photo shoot with the girls all posing with Sean, and the winner getting their picture on 3 Harlequin novel covers (Kristy was stoked). Tierra however is not impressed, she reminds us she’s not there to make friends with the girls, which is good because they all hate her. During her interview Tierra say’s “trust me, I’m smart” and then winks at the camera, does this mean she’s not smart? (not hard to believe). This episode also really brought attention to Tierra’s eyebrow, which was closer to her hairline than her eye for virtually the entire episode (seemed like a nervous tic, she might want to have someone look into that).
Lesson #4: Kristy is way more fun than the other girls
Kristy (the ford model, which is like the best modeling agency ever, in case you forgot) was extremely excited about this group date photo shoot. She was also extremely confident she was going to win, which she did, so good for her. I think Kristy might have so much confidence that she’s above the catty paranoia that drags a lot of the women down. I could see Kristy being accused of ‘not being there for the right reasons’ ( I think this might be true) which could affect how long she sticks around for, but for right now I’ll just enjoy the dose of confidence she gives to a show full of insecure women.
Lesson #5: Kacie B. is F*ing cheating
They’ve hung out before! He considers her one of his good girlfriends! How can this be allowed? Kacie got to skip the whole awkward ‘getting to know you’ phase, and seems to have a huge advantage at this point (she got the rose on the group date). If I were the other girls I’d push Kacie down the stairs instead of Tierra (or whatever happens that results in Tierra laying on the stairs and an ambulance coming, it’s not entirely clear at this point, but I’d do that to Kacie instead).
Lesson #6: Katie hadn’t seen or heard of The Bachelor before coming on the show
This is the only logical explanation I can see for how people still are shocked and upset by the process of not finding love on this show. Katie decided to go home during the cocktail party portion of the group date. She didn’t enjoy the competition aspect of the show or the fake attitudes of the other women. Um, being a fake, catty, slutty chick is basically what wins this show (possibly why no one has ever actually gotten married at the end). If Katie had been willing to do a more interesting yoga position during her intro to Sean, maybe he would have swept her away, and they could have skipped the whole process, oh well. The other women don’t seem to bummed she’s gone, which means they all have the skills needed to win this thing.
Lesson #7: Amanda has the best chance of becoming a stalker after the show
During the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party Amanda (the fit model) seemed to be a little crabby. Desiree asks an annoyed looking Amanda how she’s feeling about things, go which she gives no response of any kind. If I were Sean I’d send her home before she can develop too much of a fatal attraction, otherwise there could be some scary results when they both end up on The Bachelor Pad in a couple of years.
Lesson #8: Sean wants a girl who’s sweet
During his sit down time with Robyn at the cocktail party, she asks what he’s attracted to, and he says he wants a girl who’s really sweet (he also says intelligent and some other stuff but we’re sticking with sweet for now). This is an idea he’s stated several other times on the show, either saying he wants someone sweet, or that one of the girls is sweet (how lucky). I have a couple of issues with having sweetness as a quality you look for in another person. 1. It’s extremely difficult to find someone who is genuinely sweet, it’s more like the type of trait women who are trying to win a game show put out to bag a husband (what a coincidence). 2. Sweetness can get really annoying (this goes back in part to my first problem with it often not being genuine). Of course, it’s possible that I’m just overly cynical, and sweetness is a great trait to find in a person. (One thing finding out Sean’s desire for a sweet woman taught me was that unfortunately we wouldn’t be a good match, damn, so close).
At the rose ceremony we lost Brooke, who had so little screen time I forgot who she was, never a good sign (luckily for her, it seemed the feelings between her and Sean were mutual, as she seemed totally uninterested in him during her final interview). We also lost Diana, the single mother, looks like Sean took my advice. When you split up two months after the show ends you don’t want to make kids sad, skip that extra baggage. Based on the preview for next week it looks like we’ll be getting the ambulance scene they’ve been teasing like crazy since the show started, so we should be in for a treat. (On a final note, I know I skipped a pretty big section of the show, the one on one with Desiree, but I learned nothing new about her, and I’m sure they’ll be time to talk about her later as she seems to be developing a connection with Sean, also this is a really long run-on sentence, I never want it to stop, but unfortunately it has to, right…now). And now we can move on to the Miss America portion of the Chris Harrison-palooza
Lesson #1: Georgia is the state the celebrates diversity
Who knew? They celebrate diversity from Scarlet O’Hara to Honey Boo-boo according to Miss Georgia. I suppose there is a sort of diversity between those two, not the type that first comes to mind usually, but it is the type of diversity they enjoy in Georgia.
Lesson #2: It’s really hard to think of a good line about your state during the intro
Along with Georgia and her love of diversity, some of the other girls seemed like they could have prepped a little better for this portion (which resulted in it being my favorite).
-Idaho pointed out they have the smallest carbon footprint, and big foot sightings
-Nevada proposed marriage to Tim Tebow (apparently she’s not much of a football fan, but at least he wouldn’t have that virgin thing hanging over his head anymore).
-New Mexico said you can get a Big Mac with green chili in her state (I’d go, but I think plane tickets to New Mexico probably sold out once people found out this little gem).
-Texas shared that they are the home of two Dancing with the Stars champions (that was all you could think of to say! on second thought I think ABC may have forced her to say this as Miss Tennessee also mentioned an ABC show during her intro).
On a side not, three NFL playoff teams got a shout out during these introductions (the Bronco’s, Seahawks and Packers) apparently having your states Miss America contestant mention you is the new Sports Illustrated cover jinx.
Lesson #3: Miss America contestants wear pants now. And not even dressy ones, Jeans!
This seems strange to me, I’m all for liberated women, but not so much during the middle of a beauty pageant (I haven’t watched the last few years so it’s possible this isn’t that new, but I’m pretending it is). Also I’m upset I didn’t know this before because I could totally win now, the only thing that I felt would have stopped me before was the evening gown portion (and the swim suit, and talent portions) but I could totally dominate the pants portion (ok so probably not, but I can at least dream now).
Lesson #4: Having a disability is important if you want to become Miss America
Miss Montana, who has autism, got the sympathy vote, or as ABC calls it: the America’s Choice vote through to the next round. The contest also featured Miss Iowa, who has Tourette’s syndrome, unfortunately this didn’t result of any of a number of possibly great TV moments. (I feel guilty about the comments I’ve made about people with disabilities in this post, but the opportunities have just been too good to pass up, I promise to do better next time…maybe).
Lesson #5: Miss America finds its judges in the reject pile from Dancing with the Stars
The head judge for the evenings show was Mary Hart (for reasons that aren’t entirely clear). Every time they showed Mary I was just praying she wouldn’t start talking and cause a seizure, it really effected my viewing pleasure.
The remaining judges for the contest are as follows, Cheryl Burke (oh boy a Dancing with the Stars champion), Bradley Bayou (he’s friends with Oprah, that’s all the qualifications you need), Sam Champion (his last name is Champion, duh), Daymond John, McKayla Maroney (Gabby Douglas must have been busy, and Katie Stam-Irk (Miss America 2009, she should have been head judge). Overall just an incredible array of talent.
Lesson #6: Miss Iowa will only approves of marijuana for recreation use, and health care
The interview portion is usually good for at least one gem, and this time it came courtesy of Miss Iowa, Mariah Carey, I wonder if she can blame this on the Tourette’s somehow. So remember all you viewers out there thinking about dealing marijuana, Miss Iowa does NOT approve, only recreation and health care, beyond that is just too much.
So there we have it, two terrific shows, 14 great lessons, and more run-on sentences than I can count (or possibly go back and edit). See you tomorrow (I think, but no promises) for my Wednesday recap of the weekend in sports. (Also Miss New York won the pageant, but like Desiree she didn’t teach me a lot or do anything funny so I’m not wasting my time on her).