The Most Anticlimactic Exit in Real World History (The Real World Portland Episode 3 Recap)

MTV Real World 28 PortlandHappy Thursday all! It’s time for another Real World Portland Recap.  Last week we left off with Johnny and Averey finally doing the deed (after holding out for almost 2 whole episodes!).  And this week we pick up with the aftermath, and the girls grilling Averey over how things went.  Following the girls discussion, Averey and Joi decide they need to make a trip to the sex store to spice things up for Johnny (who is a little frightened).  Being in a relationship that ends badly on The Real World is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens all the time.  However, being in a relationship that ends badly because you’re a dude who can’t keep up with his super-sexual female housemate seems like it would be a bummer.

The next day the roommates head out on a “Brewcycle” tour of Portland (basically a pub crawl with the added Portland-y bonus of having a pedal a giant group bike thing to get to each stop).  This is a fun trip for a while until Jordan over-indulges just a tad and goes into “douche bag mode” according to Marlon.  (It seems like “douche bag mode” is only slightly more douche-y than Jordan’s normal personality, but still it’s enough to piss off the guys who usually at least pretend to like him).  The guys manage to squash their beef the next morning when Jordan sort of admits to being a douche.

Next up the group goes job hunting.  (Since when do the cast members randomly decide to get jobs, maybe this is a development I’ve missed in not watching the past few seasons.  Seems like a mistake after how poorly the official cast jobs used to go during past seasons).  The group goes to interview at a diner, a frozen yogurt place, (where Anna and Jessica decide to work) and a pizza joint (where Marlon, Jordan, Averey and Johnny get jobs).  After the interviews Joi decides there are no jobs for her in Portland, and that she would rather go back home than accept a “demotion” after four years of college.  I feel like Portland probably has more than those three jobs to offer, but it looks like Joi gets her job hunting skills from me, because she doesn’t seem to explore any other options.  Following the job search failure, and a phone call to her dad in which he tells her she should leave if she’s unhappy and there is nothing in Portland for her, Joi tells the other roommates she is going home.  And somewhat surprisingly, since she seemed like a pretty cool chick, the roommates do very little to try to persuade her to stay.  The conversation essentially goes like this – Joi: “I’m going home.”  All the roommates: “Oh, ok, well see you later.” After weeks of speculation this definitely goes down as the most anticlimactic (and earliest?) departure in Real World history.  On the plus side, Joi leaving makes room for new roommate Nia, who appears to be f*king nuts, always a plus for this show.

Following Joi’s departure they try to cheer us up by introducing us to the new man in Jessica’s life.  (On a side note, who decided to cast Jessica?  She’s not really interesting, she doesn’t really do drama – except for fighting with Jordan, she’s just annoying, that’s not a reason to cast someone.  The reasons why she has no friends back home become more clear with every episode).  Anyways, the guys name is Tyler, and he is extremely tall, and pretty cute, and kind of sweaty, so whats not to like.  Also, on their first official date he reveals he tried his first orange at 17.  (Seems a little forward to be sharing on a first date to me).  Jordan said he felt like he should warn the guy about what he was getting into with Jessica, but after seeing their date it seems like they may be two perfect little peas in a loser pod.

Next up, it’s the first day of work on their new jobs for the roommates, or as I like to call it:  A lesson in what not to do on your first day on the job from Jordan, Johnny and Averey.  The group hangs out to have some drinks after their shift, and things first start going wrong when Johnny and Jordan get into a shouting match.  Then just in case he hadn’t done enough to make a shitty first impression, Johnny and Averey partake in some sexual activity in the bathroom.  This helps solidify the “Averey is a nympho” theme they’ve had running through this episode.  Luckily they manage to do an awesome job of hiding their guilt by walking out together with huge smiles on their faces.  Even more lucky, since they are Real World cast members and not regular employees, they don’t lose their jobs on the first day.

Finally, the episode closes out with the roommates receiving a phone call from Nia, the new roommate.  Just to solidify the face that she’s crazy before she even gets there, she speaks in a fake southern accent and makes up a new racial identity.  Nia will be making her arrival next week, and based on the preview it seems like she makes a strong first impression on the guys.  Poor Marlon, one chick he liked went home already, and the other one ends up making out with Jordan on the ping-pong table, maybe he should stick with dudes.  Anyways, see you next week for a recap of “Hurricane Nia’s” first episode, she definitely promises to bring some more excitement to the house.

On a final note, if any has missed an episode and wants to watch, (or if you just like watching the same commercial 50 times) MTV has all the episodes of the current season, plus some past seasons on its website.  Here is the link, enjoy!  See you next Thursday.

 

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