The Calm Before the Storm (and we better really get a storm) The Real World Portland Episode 5 Recap

MTV Real World 28 Portland

After the promising arrival of new roommate Nia last week, this week took a step back in the excitement department.  Never fear though, the preview for next week showed a lot of promise featuring a continuation of the Nia/Jordan battle for dominance.  But that’s next week, for right now let’s stick with going over anything you might have missed from this less than scintillating episode.  (Side note, if you’re a big Jessica fan this episode will be great for you, not so much for everyone else, which means about five people enjoyed this episode).

As expected, we open this week with the conclusion of Jordan and Nia’s sex battle, where Jordan was trying to prove Nia wouldn’t go through with her offer to suck his d*ck, and Nia was trying to prove Jordan acts like a jerk because he has a small member.  Nia won apparently, if you believe her account of things, and her comparison to a french fry later in the episode.  Jordan claims Nia couldn’t get him “up” all the way and that’s why he was less than impressive. (Apparently his d*ck likes to play hard to get with the ladies).  No one seems to really be buying this excuse though, as Marlon and Johnny assert they would have been ready to go in a similar situation.  At the very least it seems Nia was successful in mind-f*cking Jordan, and after the preview for next week it’s clear the battle between them is far from over.

That’s pretty much it for the excitement/drama in this episode (aside from some mild fighting between Johnny and Averey).  This week we spend a lot of time looking at the budding romance between Jessica and Tyler (aka Paul Bunyan, the humongous guy she met out at the bar a few episodes ago).  Following a date Jessica complains to Anastasia that she can’t find anything wrong with Tyler, and comes across as having the relationship maturity of a 13-year-old. (On another side note, Jessica shared with Tyler that she almost went to prom alone and ended up going with a guy she couldn’t stand.  Based on her personality on the show this feels about right).  Later in the episode they go out drinking with the roommates, and Jessica rewards Tyler for being a nice guy by talking about her ex-boyfriend, getting angry when Tyler says he understands where she’s coming from, and then forcing him to sleep on the couch.  (Poor Paul Bunyan, he really does seem like a nice, kinda lame dude, I hope for his sake this relationship doesn’t go on too much longer).

Next up the boys go out for a night on the town, and once again solidify their reputation as the cast with the least game.  The boys bring back to moderately (at best) clinger’s from the bar, and then tell them they have to leave as soon as they get to the house.  Despite nothing happening Johnny is paranoid that Averey will be upset with him.  The girls decide to take advantage of this, and have Averey pretend to be drunk and angry when Johnny gets upstairs.  (Also, Johnny and Marlon really need to find a better place to go over their story than in the elevator shaft where the girls can hear every word they say).  The girls reveal that Averey wasn’t actually angry, which in turn makes Johnny angry, and leads to the couple passive aggressively fighting with each other for the rest of the episode.

Most of the remainder of this episode covers the roommates trip to learn to snowboard with pro snowboarder Danny Kass.  However, before the group can leave Averey discovers an email to Johnny, which she thinks is from a girlfriend back home (turns out the girl is just a friend, but this causes drama between the two for the rest of the episode).

The group has mixed results when they actually attempt to snowboard.  The boys all hold their own with Jordan being the stand out (of course).  The girls are all pretty mediocre.  Nia is the stand out for me, she quits after falling once and says she’s going to get a drink, she’s soon later sleeping on a bench, that’s my kind of snowboarding.  Jessica somehow manages to catch the eye of Danny Kass who gives her a lot of individual training.  (I feel like a must be missing something about Jessica based on all the male attention she seems to garner, anyone who wants to fill me in feel free).

After the come off the slopes, the group goes out to a local bar and Johnny accepts a dare from Anastasia to streak through the crowd.  This further upsets Averey, who was already brooding about the email.  This streaking incident also presents another fine example of Johnny and Marlon not having a good grasp on how far away you should be from someone before you talk out a situation involving them.  After Johnny gets sent away by Averey he goes to talk to Marlon, who is sitting next to Averey at the bar.  Maybe it’s just me, but I’d move a little further away before discussing my girlfriend troubles.

After the group gets back home from their snowboarding excursion we are treated to more lame-o fighting between Averey and Johnny.  And more Sad sack behavior from Paul Bunyan who has sent a still wishy-washy Jessica flowers to show how much he misses her.  Jessica responds to the flowers by talking to Nia and saying that Tyler is the type of guy you marry and she just wants to be single right now.  That is the understandable part of their conversation, she goes on to say she wants to “drink mimosa’s, eat french pastries, and talk about how big our asses are with her girlfriends,” this part of her little speech puts her back in contention for most annoying person on the planet.  Nia responds to Jessica’s fear of a relationship by saying that she’s asking for too much, and she needs to go with the flow (some solid advice).  Jessica ends up accepting Nia’s words of wisdom, and Paul Bunyan is finally rewarded for being such a good dude and gets to sleep in the bed instead of the way too short couch the next time he stays over.

The episode concludes with Averey finally getting some balls and confronting Johnny about the email that has been bothering her for days.  After Johnny quickly dispels the idea of him having a girlfriend back home all the couples in the house are at peace again.  Now, with one of the more boring episodes is recent memory over with, we can get back to the drama next week.  Next weeks episode appears to focus on Nia and Jordan, featuring more hook ups, Jordan being threatened with a lamp, and Jordan being smacked in the head, so a good time for all.  This season is being completely carried by Nia right now, as she is the only cast member who can both bring the drama, and be the voice of reason in disputes between other roommates.  See you next Thursday for a recap of what will hopefully be a much more exciting episode than the one we just got.



3 thoughts on “The Calm Before the Storm (and we better really get a storm) The Real World Portland Episode 5 Recap

  1. I think we should all address what makes “Anastasia so alluring” and why Jessica is the most simple minded individual on the show. But she’s a grown woman. It’s time for her to stop wearing cheap shoes that hurt her feet and being insecure, but she is really insecure

    • Anastasia seems to be more of her own person, whereas Jessica seems to be super needy for other people’s approval, which as part of her immaturity. Honestly, I’m willing to admit I may just be too old to still be watching this show, I’m not sure I’d find Jessica quite so annoying if I wasn’t 10 years older than her. But thanks for your comment and your feedback

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