A Bad Night For Dips (The Bachelorette Episode 1 Recap)

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It’s time for another season of The Bachelorette!  This season features Desiree Hartsock, an early favorite from Sean’s season of The Bachelor who faded at the end and finished in fourth place in the competition for Sean’s affection.  Desiree was a fan favorite who was also selected based on having the ideal combination of sluttiness and substance that this show aims for.

The primary focus of this week’s recap is going to be an introduction to the guys who will be competing for Desiree’s heart.  I’m going to cover the beginning and end of the episode briefly, but I’ll cover most of the episode through the introduction to the guys.

To start the episode we see Desiree roll up to her new Malibu mansion in a small silver sedan that seems like it’s on the verge of breaking down.  (I feel fairly confident the noises were added by production, and that Desiree wasn’t actually driving a car that was about to bite the dust).  Luckily for Des, she is presented with the keys to a new teal colored Bentley convertible.  (Does she get to keep that car? If so, I think that makes up for any heart-break you may suffer during your time on the show).  Before we get to the guys we need to get in some top quality love story clichés, courtesy of The Bachelorette.  We get a montage on Desiree chasing seagulls down a beach, and frolicking around town, and get to hear her say she feels like Cinderella .

Now with the re-introduction to Desiree out-of-the-way, let’s meet the guys:

(I’m going to be making reference to the guys profiles on ABC a lot, here’s the link if you want to read them for yourself)

Guy #1: Drew

drew

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: Scottsdale AZ

Shoe Size: 11.5 (Shoe size is very important.  Thankfully The Bachelorette staff provided it for us so we aren’t stuck wondering all season)

Job: Digital Marketing Analyst

Fun Facts: He can’t count to three because he lists four things (sailboat, radio, case of Cabernet, and books) when asked what three things we would want on a desert island.  He’s a big Dave Matthew’s fan.  Spending the day with him is number one of Drew’s bucket list.

(Fun fact about the questionnaire the guys had to fill out:  in the romance and dating section one of the questions is – “Do you prefer a man who wants to be pursued or a man who pursues you, and why?”  Either The Bachelorette is trying to find out if any of these guys is secretly gay, or the show needs a better editing team.)

Guy #2:  Brooks

brooks

Stats:

Age: 28

Hometown: Salt Lake City, UT

Shoe Size: 11.5

Job: Sales and Marketing

Fun Facts:  Brooks profile isn’t nearly as fun as some of the other guys.  He seems like a nice, decent guy, and according to rumors going around apparently does quite well on the show.  But for the purposes of this post he is boring, (at least so far) so lets move on to the next guy.

Guy #3: Brad

brad

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: Denver, CO

Shoe Size: 12

Job: Accountant/DJ

Fun Facts:  He likes playing chess even though he says he’s really bad at it.  He’s the first guy with a gimmick out of the limo, a wish bone.  Another guy who seems like a strong contender to be around at the finish.

Guy #4: Bryden

bryden

Stats:

Age: 26

Hometown: Havre, MT

Shoe Size: 11

Job: Iraq War Veteran

Fun Facts:  Finished second in the 2010 National Soldier of the Year competition.  Another guy without anything too exciting going on in this first episode.

Guy #5: Michael G.

michael g

Stats:

Age: 33

Hometown: Lindenhurst, NY

Shoe Size: 14

Job: Federal Prosecutor

Fun Facts: Michael wants to start cranking out the kids.  When asked where he sees himself in five years he answered – married with 2 kids and another one on the way.  Apparently won a trial to convict a “notorious” gang member.  Second guy with a gimmick, tries to find Desiree’s penny in the fountain, but eventually gives up and they use new pennies.

Guy #6: Kasey

kasey2

Stats:

Age: 29

Hometown: Tulsa, OK

Shoe Size: 12

Job: Advertising Executive

Fun Facts: Rode a motorcycle across Sierra Leone after their civil war.  One of the questions the bachelors were asked was, “What do you wish we had asked you?”  Kasey takes this question as an opportunity to brag about famous people he knows and has worked with.  (His dad played for the Dodgers, has a good friend in the NBA, his brother-in-law has been nominated for two Grammies, and he has designed a website for J-Lo and other celebs).  During his introduction to Des, Kasey let’s her know that he works in social media, and decides to give her some hashtags he thinks describe her.  (This dude is really lucky there was a magician and the saddest ER doctor in the world in the house with him to save him from being the lamest guy there).

Guy #7: Will

will

Stats:

Age: 28

Hometown: Federal Way, WA

Shoe Size: 13

Job: Banker

Fun Facts:  In response to the question, “Meatloaf said he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that? What won’t you do for love?” he answered meth (solid response).  He loves Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and his favorite author is R.L. Stine (presumably of Goosebumps fame, unless there is another R.L. Stine.  Based on their answers, not a lot of readers in this group).  He tells Des he is giving her the nickname Athena because she is a goddess (and that’s the only goddess’ name he knew).

Guy #8: Mikey T.

Mikey-T-600-500

Stats:

Age: 30

Hometown: Glen Ellyn, IL

Shoe Size: 10

Job: Plumbing Contractor

Fun Facts: Did a surprise striptease in front of hundreds of sorority girls.  Enjoys the show Pawn Stars, and would live in the disco era if he could pick any other time period.  This guy seems like he could be good for some entertainment, hope he sticks around for a while.

Guy #9: Jonathan (aka Fantasy Suite Guy)

jonathan

Stats:

Age: 26

Hometown: Hickory, NC

Shoe Size: 11

Job: Attorney (probably not anymore)

Fun Facts: Jonathan is this season’s Ashley P. (50 Shades of Gray chick).  When he gets out of the limo he gives Des a card saying she can skip the other guys and join him in the fantasy suite.  He gets rejected, and this might have been a cute little intro if he didn’t continue to pursue taking her to the fantasy suite throughout the cocktail party.  Jonathan feels like a plant from the producers to get people talking about the show.   Either that or The Bachelorette needs new contestant screeners as badly as it needs new survey editors.  Desiree finally sends Jonathan home before the rose ceremony, after his third attempt to get her into the fantasy suite.

Guy #10: Zak W.

zak w

Stats:

Age: 31

Hometown: Dallas, TX

Shoe Size: 11.5

Job: Drilling Fluid Engineer

Fun Facts: Zak looks to be the resident clown of this years cast.  He leaves his shirt off for the entire night, which is a fairly bold move.  He definitely has a good sense of humor, but Des didn’t seem too into odd-ball guys based on the first rose ceremony, so if he can’t  show a more serious side he may be in trouble.

Guy #11: James

james

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: Marietta, GA

Shoe Size: 13

Job: Sales

Fun Facts:  His biggest fear on a date is that he spills spaghetti sauce on his white shirt.  (Feel like this one could be easily avoided).  Previews seem to indicate he will play the villain role on this years show, but we’ll have to see how things end up.

Guy #12: Larry

larry

Stats:

Age: 34

Hometown: Overland Park, KS

Shoe Size: 11

Job: ER Doctor

Fun Facts: One of his goals for coming on the show was to meet Chris Harrison.  He would like to have lunch with Bill Clinton so they could talk about ladies.  He went to Notre Dame, and was not a big fan of the football team.  Larry attempts to teach Desiree a dance move during his intro, in which he spins he around and then dips her.  Unfortunately the move goes horribly wrong when her dress gets caught, and she almost falls over.  This failed dip ultimately ends up haunting Larry for the rest of the evening.  He laments on his way out after not receiving a rose that he tried the move with 50 women before the show and had no problems. (All these things combine to make Larry the lamest ER doctor in the world).

Guy #13: Nick R.

nick r

Stats:

Age: 26

Hometown: Ridgefield, CT

Shoe Size: 10.5

Job: Tailor/Magician

Fun Facts: Umm…he’s a magician, what’s more fun than that! He does a trick for Desiree during their intro where he makes a rose appear after burning a piece of paper.  He also gets the first one on one time with Des, but unfortunately things are pretty much downhill from there for Nick.  He spends most of the cocktail party performing tricks and getting ragged on by the other guys.  On the plus side for him, he gets the prize for having the most legible hand writing out of all the guys on the questionnaire.

Guy #14: Zack K.

zack k

Stats:

Age: 28

Hometown: Phillips Ranch, CA

Shoe Size: 11

Job: Book Publisher

Fun Facts:  He got a full ride to USC and was drafted to play pro baseball.  He seems like a good guy, another one I could see doing well on this show.

Guy #15: Diogo

diogo

Stats:

Age: 29

Hometown: Penha, Brazil

Shoe Size: 11

Job: Marketing Manager

Fun Facts: He wears a suit of armour during his intro because he’s her “knight in shining armour,” at least until the end of the episode when he gets sent home without a rose.  If he could have lunch with anyone he would pick John Mayer, and he thinks they would become “best buddies.”  Diogo is probably the only person who actually wants to be friends with John Mayer, so even though the whole Bachelorette thing didn’t work out for him, I still think he has a shot with John.

Guy #16: Chris

chris

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: McMinnville, OR

Shoe Size: 12

Job: Mortgage Broker

Fun Facts: He was drafted by the Cubs in 2007.  Pulls off a pretty solid fake proposal/shoe tie joke during his intro.  Another guy who just seems solid so far, nothing exciting about him yet.

Guy #17: Mike R.

mike r2

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: London, England

Shoe Size: 13

Job: Dental Student/Model

Fun Facts: He had sex in public while on a military base.  He wears his doctor’s coat during his intro and refers to himself as “McDreamy.”  Des must not have been overly impressed though because he’s left without a rose when the show ends.

Guy #18: Robert

robert2

Stats:

Age: 30

Hometown: Glendale, AZ

Shoe Size: 12

Job: Advertising Entrepeneur

Fun Facts: He claims to have invented sign spinning.  He’s terrified of having spinach in his teeth during a date.  Another boring guy so far.

Guy #19: Juan Pablo

juanpablo

Stats:

Age: 31

Hometown: Barquisimeto, Venezuela

Shoe Size: 11.5

Job: Former Pro Soccer Player

Fun Facts: Des can’t pronounce his name so that could be a problem going forward.  He doesn’t read or know what he wouldn’t do for love. (How many of these questions did he leave blank that they had to include these answers on his profile?).  One thing he does know is that he would like a woman with a fit body and nice size breasts.

Guy #20: Brandon

brandon

Stats:

Age:26

Hometown: Blaine. MN

Shoe Size: 12

Job Painting Contractor

Fun Facts:  Was engaged for a year, but never actually intended to get married. (He’s perfect for this show!) Enjoys using smiley faces at the ends of sentences.  Pulled out a sob story about his father leaving them, and his mother being an addict when he was growing up.  I hate people who play the sob story card, especially right at the beginning, but Des seems to go for it because he gets a rose.

Guy #21: Brian

brian

Stats:

Age: 29

Hometown: Olney, MD

Shoe Size: 13

Job: Financial Advisor

Fun Facts:  Would have lunch with Donald Trump.  When asked where he see’s himself in five years replied with “same, but with more travel, and done more to help world.” (Looks like he left the marriage thing out).  Seems very concerned with having a partner who is trusting, listed it many times on the questionnaire.

Guy #22: Micah

micah

Stats:

Age: 32

Hometown: Detroit Lakes, MN

Shoe Size: 9.5

Job: Law Student

Fun Facts:  Designed his own ridiculous looking suit to wear for the intro.  (Des designed her own dress to wear the first night on The Bachelor.  I think this was supposed to be a compliment, but it didn’t really work out that way).  Once bought a ring after dating a girl for only a week only to later discovery she’d never broken it off with her ex.  Seemed like a nice enough guy, but Des must have not been impressed by his tailoring skills, (he should have gotten help from the magician!) because he’s headed home.

Guy #23: Nick M.

nick m

Stats:

Age: 27

Hometown: Rochester, NY

Shoe Size: 12

Job: Investment Advisor

Fun Facts: Aside from writing an incredibly cheesy poem for his intro, and really not liking magic, nothing exciting about him so far.  Feels like another solid contender.

Guy #24: Dan

dan

Stats:

Age: 30

Hometown: Dublin, CA

Shoe Size: 10.5

Job: Beverage Sales Director

Fun Facts:  He’s a swimmer, and is very comfortable in a Speedo.  The only guy to openly declare in his questionnaire that he’d be interested in being the next bachelor if this doesn’t work out.

Guy #25: Ben

ben

Stats:

Age: 28

Hometown: Lubbock, TX

Shoe Size: 11.5

Job: Entrepeneur

Fun Facts:  His most embarrassing moment is being turned down by a girl in the 7th grade.  He went skateboarding once.  He brings his young son to the intro so he can play the single father card.  (Another one I hate).  Lucky for him, Des is a way bigger softy than me, and he gets the first rose of the night.

Well that’s all the guys, and as a result of some internet problems I’m already four hours into this post, so I’m just going to touch of some high lights from the cocktail party and call things good for this week.

-Zak W. (the shirtless wonder) decides the best way to impress Desiree is to take off his pants too and jump in the pool.  Unfortunately when he comes back up Des is being stolen away by Kasey, (hashtag guy) before they’ve had time to actually talk.  Luckily, Des finds him a gives him a rose a little later.

-Bryden is the next guy to get a rose, (they’re coming fast and furious now) after telling Des a story about a young boy he met while serving in Iraq.

-Larry (the lame doctor) and Des have the most awkward conversation of the night.  The apologizes repeatedly for the dip not going correctly, and then decides he will win her over by telling her she was his favorite from Sean’s season.  (He’s the winner for contestant most likely to turn into a stalker if they stick around and then things don’t work out).

-(On a side note, Am I the only one who always thought they knew who the bachelor/bachelorette was going to be when they auditioned for the show?)

Alright folks, I’m exhausted, so I’m going to call it quits for this week. See you Thursday for a recap of this week’s episode of The Real World, and next Tuesday for a recap of the first dates on this season of The Bachelorette.

Guys Eliminated this Week: Nick R., Larry, Mike R., Diogo, Jonathan, Micah.

If you missed this week’s episode and want to watch online here’s the link.

One thought on “A Bad Night For Dips (The Bachelorette Episode 1 Recap)

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