So there’s good news and bad news with this week’s Real World Portland recap. The bad news is this episode is the dullest one to date. The good news is next week sh*t is going down, and we’ll finally get to see Nia spike Averey’s head like a volleyball, along with plenty of other drama, based on the preview. This week basically follows three different story lines: 1. Marlon has sex with a random chick he meets at the bar. 2. Johnny and Averey have a fight, and then kill zombies together to make up. 3. Jessica and Tyler’s storybook romance comes to an end.
First up, let’s talk about Marlon. I really feel bad for this dude. He’s basically spent this whole season playing the peace maker between various house members, and he can’t even get any frustration out by hooking up with the local groupies because he’s trying to be strong in his devotion to God (and his dad). I feel like we really need to know if Marlon told his dad about the gay sex thing before he came on the show (obviously he would know now after the show has aired). Has this been addressed anywhere? I’ll move on while I wait for your answers, the good news for Marlon is the chick he finally does end up banging is arguably the best looking one any of the guys have brought home this season. She also tells Marlon “I like one on one with males, I like girls, I like everything. You know what I mean?” So really whats the poor guy going to do? His faith and respect for his dad can only help him resist to a certain point and then you’ve just got to go ahead and give in. Also, in his defense, Marlon seems pretty genuinely bummed out about it when the tells the roommates the next day (while the roommates seem to just be excited for him).
In the Johnny and Averey saga everything is looking great when the episode starts off. Averey is even talking about moving to Boston with Johnny after the season ends. Turns out it wouldn’t be the first big move Averey has made for a guy, she moved to Arizona (from Michigan) for an ex-boyfriend. Trouble starts for these two in this weeks episode when Averey finds another guy from Boston at the bar and decides to chat him up. Johnny decides she is flirting, (even though she’s talking to the guy about Johnny) and starts to throw a hissy fit. This situation plays out like all the other fights Johnny and Averey have had this season: One of them gets upset, (while intoxicated) they sleep in separate beds, and by the following afternoon everything is fine again. The only difference is this time we got some tears out of Johnny (he really needs to watch his alcohol consumption, no guy wants to cry like that on national television).
The final storyline of the night (and my personal favorite) deals with Jessica and Tyler’s doomed romance. Jessica was hesitant to get into a relationship when she first met Tyler, but she certainly seems to have gotten over all her apprehension by the time this episode rolls around. Jessica seems to officially be turning into a stage five clinger, as we see her decorate her room by taping up pictures of her and Tyler everywhere. Tyler shouldn’t feel short-changed though, she made sure to get doubles for him, along with matching key chains featuring a picture of the happy couple. Later in the episode we see Jessica on the phone talking to Tyler and after telling him she wants to lick his face she decides to really put herself out there. She tells him “not to freak you out of anything, but if you and I got serious I wouldn’t be opposed to moving to Portland.” (Good thing she opened with not to freak you out). Tyler responds like any freaked out guy by saying, “uhhh…wow, that’s pretty sweet” and then getting off the phone as quickly as possible. Shortly after this call Tyler sends the break up email to Jessica. Jessica insisted on Twitter last night that the break up wasn’t caused by the pictures, and that she and Tyler are still close, and he supported her in that notion online. They are both citing some clever editing from producers for making the phone call/pictures seem like the cause of the break up (wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened). I’ll include links to their Twitter accounts at the end of this post so you can get more of their side of the story.
This week’s episode closes out with Jessica joining Marlon at the recording studio. (Marlon is an aspiring rapper, here’s a link to his YouTube page if you want to check out some of his songs). Jessica lays down a hook for Marlon to potentially use in one of his songs while they are there. I’m currently predicting that “them b*tches all thirsty and Junk” will go down alongside “come on, be my baby tonight” (by David of the original New Orleans cast) as the greatest musical performances in Real World history. (This is also a situation where “they’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing at you” would apply in regards to Nia and Marlon’s reaction to Jessica’s performance).
Johnny and Averey got eaten by zombies together, Marlon and Jessica found Jesus, and all is peaceful in the Real World house again. But not for long b*tches! Shit is finally going down next week, and personally I can’t wait. It looks like Anastasia will finally have the “I don’t like you” talk Jessica had been hoping for a few episodes back. (Hard to say she’s being fake after that). Then the shit starts to fly literally with Daisy at the center of the brawl between Nia and Johnny/Averey. Only a few episodes left, hopefully they make up for this week’s snooze fest. See you next Thursday for another recap!
If you missed this week’s episode and want to watch online here’s the link.
Also as promised here’s Jessica and Tyler’s Twitter accounts in case you want to read more about their version of their break up.
Thoughts/Questions/Comments? Feel free to contact me via email: SHMcG223@gmail.com or on Twitter: @NoOneGoesToClev