Do you see the beautiful sea of blood Showtime teased us with heading into this final season of Dexter? I think going into this season, especially after the insanity of last season’s ending, this is what everyone was expecting the final season to be like – all blood, all the time. Instead we’ve gotten a season that, outside of a few rogue moments for Deb, has been a total snooze-fest so far. Season’s of Dexter are known to start a little slow, but this season has been particularly bad, and I know the reason why: It’s because Dexter is in a relationship! “Relationship Dexter” often kills off the best parts of this show, let me use this Seinfeld clip to illustrate my point:
This show is killing independent Dexter, and it’s really bumming me out. Dr. Vogel is right, Dexter can’t have both the darkness and the light in his life because the light part makes for really boring tv viewing. It’s not just the current relationship with Hannah McKay that’s making the show worse, the show is always worse when there is a relationship for Dexter involved. The man’s a serial killer, he isn’t supposed to date! Let’s take a look back at Dexter’s past relationships, and I’ll show you what I mean about them making the show horrible.
Seasons 1-4: Rita
Ah, Rita, look how sweet she looks in this picture. I hated her sooo much. In the beginning Rita really isn’t that bad, and as Dexter says, she helps provide him with cover to make it look like he’s a normal guy. Unfortunately Rita gets old pretty quick. Right around the point in season two where she decides Dexter is an addict and forces him to go to AA meetings I decide I was done with her. Luckily for me I started watching this show late in its run, and through the magic of IMDB I knew she wouldn’t be around forever. This knowledge gave me something to hope for, because frankly, Rita doesn’t get anymore enjoyable as time goes on. (Also I know I kind of sound like a serial killer right now, but I swear to you, I’m not). For her entire run on the show Rita is essentially just a nagging nuisance in Dexter’s life. The man has a lot of people to kill here honey. There’s a serial killer like every five feet in Miami. He doesn’t have time to run out and get medicine for Harrison in the middle of the night. So when Rita was finally out of the way at the end of season four I thought it would be smooth sailing for Dexter from here on out, but I was wrong.
Season 5: Lumen
While Dexter and Lumen don’t have much of a traditional romantic relationship, she is dependent on Dexter for help and to get her out of trouble, which results in another season filled with “relationship Dexter.” It’s also possible that this relationship ruined things for me for a couple of other reason:
1. This season just wasn’t that interesting, (probably my second least favorite after season 3 – Prado brother’s season) and I blame that on Lumen and her neediness.
2. There was a rumor going around at the time that Julia Stiles caused the break up of Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter’s marriage. This rumor essentially ruined Julia Stiles for me, changing her from the lovable, awkward white girl in Save the Last Dance, (a favorite of mine in high school) to a home-wrecking whore following her appearance on this show. (Ok, so I don’t really feel like Julia Stiles is a home-wrecking whore, but I do think that the rumor has subconsciously effected my feelings for this season and for Lumen).
Seasons 7-8: Hannah McKay
So I thought when Hannah popped back up this season that maybe something interesting would happen, but no such luck. Instead it turns out Hannah is just back so Dexter can realize he’s still in love with her and they can plan a nice move to Argentina together! I was really hoping Deb would just shoot her, or at least arrest her when she found her in the hotel room in the keys, but unfortunately unstable Deb is gone, so we didn’t get anything exciting. Basically Hannah is just a boring nuisance, like all the other women who have involved themselves in Dexter’s life, and her story line is yet to bring anything that interesting to the show. Also, as a bonus, Hannah routinely forces Dexter to choose between her and the one person who always has his back (Deb) and he essentially always chooses Hannah, making him seem like a dick. There are still a few episodes left for Hannah to redeem herself, but I don’t have very high hopes. This is the end of the final season, I want to see a Dexter that is out killing people, not a “relationship Dexter” that is telling people he loves them during awkward sex scenes with socks on.
A Few Extra Flings
Season 2: Lila
Apparently during season two of this show the producer’s were like, “there aren’t enough annoying/crazy chicks in Dexter’s life, what should we do?” Because they decided to introduce a new love interest for Dexter in the form of Lila, his AA sponsor. Lila is bat shit crazy and her obsession with Dexter gets old pretty quick. She also tries to claim Battista raped her, which is just not cool. Ultimately, I think my least favorite thing about Lila is that she is so annoying by the end that I’m actually forced to root for Rita and the kids, and that just doesn’t make me happy.
Season 6-7: Deb
So, in a really weird plot twist, the writers of this show decided that it would be a good idea for Deb to think she’s in love with Dexter, her stepbrother. This storyline produced more than it’s fair share of cringe worthy moments. Luckily I think we totally moved past it following the killing of LaGuerta at the end of last season. This storyline was basically just awkward, while making Dexter look like kind of an a-hole and making Deb look like a complete crazy person. I’ve also always thought it must have been extra awkward to play out this story line at a time when Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter’s real life relationship was falling apart. While it’s got to be a little uncomfortable at times to continue to work with your ex, it must be exponentially more uncomfortable to pretend to be in love with someone who is your ex in real life, and your brother/sister in the show you’re on. Out of all the plots that didn’t totally make sense of this show, this is definitely the one that shouldn’t have made it past the cutting room floor in my opinion. That being said, Deb being in love with Dexter did provide for more exciting moments than any of his other relationships, possibly because he basically just rejects her and never moves into “relationship Dexter mode.”
Well, I think that’s it. I feel a lot better now that I’ve figured out what’s been ruining this show. I just wish the producer’s would have realized how boring “relationship Dexter” is, and gotten rid of him earlier. There’s still hope though, the brain surgeon might whack Hannah in the next episode to really make Dexter mad. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I highly doubt Dexter and Hannah are ever going to make it to Argentina, and I certainly hope they don’t because I can’t think of a more disappointing ending to this series than an eternity of “relationship Dexter.”