Tonight The Bachelor Taught Me What Life is About – It’s About Straddling People and Thingsss… (The Bachelor Episode 2 Recap)

BACK ROW: NIKKI, KATHERINE, CHRISTINE H., LAUREN S., KELLY, CASSANDRA, ALLISON, LAUREN H., AMY L., MAGGIE; MIDDLE ROW: AMY J., CHRISTINE L., CHANTAL, SHARLEEN, KYLIE, LACY, LUCY, VICTORIA, ASHLEY; FRONT ROW: ANDI, RENEE, DANIELLE, ALEXIS, JUAN PABLO GAL

 

 

Tonight to celebrate the first dates on this season of The Bachelor, I’ll be blogging live as the show airs.  (Ok, so I’m actually blogging live because I don’t have time to post in the next couple of days, but let’s pretend it’s a celebration).  Based on the preview it looks like there is a lot of drama in store for tonight’s episode, so let’s get started with the first one on one date, which goes to Clare. (apparently pretending to be pregnant is a turn on for Juan Pablo).

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Not sure I agree with the producer’s opinion to pick sledding (or sliding as Juan Pablo calls it) for the first one on one date on a show where the star is from Miami and every woman on the show said they hate the cold in their ABC profiles.  Although sledding it super fun, and Clare say’s the date is “like a fairytale” about 10 times in the opening segment, so maybe it wasn’t such a bad choice.

Meanwhile back at the house Lucy is just chilling with the other ladies, letting her ladies hang out while they have some bonding time in the hot tub.  Lucy tells the other women she wants to go on a group date, because she know’s she won’t go unnoticed, and they all seem to agree with her on that point.

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Next up, Clare and Juan Pablo skip the typical meal portion of the date and instead opt for some hot tub time.  While in the hot tub Clare tells a long (kinda boring) story about how her dad was the greatest guy ever and she closed her heart off after he passed away.  Juan Pablo responds by saying “I understand,” and then they spend some quality time making out.  I’m feeling really hopeful after watching this date that Juan Pablo might shatter the record for sleeping with the most women during a single season on The Bachelor.  Final note on this date – The Bachelor taught us what happens to the runner-up on The X-Factor USA, as season one second place finisher serenades Juan Pablo and Clare to close out their date.

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Next up it’s another one on one date, this time its Kats turn (she asked Juan Pablo to teach her to salsa when she got out of the limo).  Juan Pablo picks her up and takes her to the airport where the board a private jet.  While on the jet, Kat says that she could get used to this lifestyle (why do the women always say things like that when they go on expensive dates, don’t they understand that Juan Pablo had nothing to do with arranging or paying for the date).  Kat hopes that she is being whisked away to Miami or New York, (a little far from LA for a one on one date) but instead they head to exotic Salt Lake City Utah for the “electric run,” which is apparently a 5k run mixed with a dance party. (Not really an event I’d expect to be in Salt Lake City, but you learn something new every day).  I think Juan Pablo and Kat exchange about five words during this entire date once they get to Salt Lake City, and they probably didn’t even understand those words because they were in a huge crowd of screaming people the entire time.  At the end of the run they go up on stage to dance around some more, and then Juan Pablo gives her a rose (it would have been pretty awkward if she didn’t get a rose in front of all those people, so I guess the outcome was kind of predetermined).

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Finally its time for the group date.  For the first group date the women are doing a photo shoot with dogs to benefit an animal charity.  Kelly (who listed her profession as dog lover) really lucked out with this group date.  In a delicious bit of irony from the producer’s, Lucy (the free spirit/exhibitionist) is given a giant, bulky fire hydrant costume, while Elise (the first grade teacher) and Andi (the assistant district attorney) are selected to be the nude models, and are given only cardboard signs as costumes.  Both Elise and Andi are feeling very uncomfortable with the nude modelling, but Elise proves herself to be a much better problem solver when she tracks down Lucy and asks her to trade costumes to which Lucy happily obliges.  Andi is torn over if she will pose nude or not, but then Juan Pablo comes to the rescue and tells her that he will be posing with her (Lucy is going to be there too, but he leaves that part out).  With Juan Pablo’s support Andi agrees to do the modeling for a good cause, and part one of the first group date reaches it’s conclusion.

By far the biggest highlight of the group date was Victoria and the drunken mess she turned into during the cocktail party (even though she claimed she wasn’t drunk and that was just her personality).  At first Victoria is all about having fun, hanging out in the hot tub by herself and reminiscing about how much she enjoyed straddling Juan Pablo during the photo shoot.  In fact she enjoyed it so much that she goes on to tell the producers that straddling people and things is what life is all about.  A short time later however Victoria so no longer having fun, and decides it’s time to lock herself in the bathroom to cry.  Mommy Renee steps in and tries to comfort her, she even crawled under the damn stall door, but Victoria is a blithering mess and Renee eventually gives up.  When Victoria finally emerges and starts demanding to go home immediately, Lucy decides it’s time to alert Juan Pablo and see if he can talk some sense into Victoria.  On a side note, I just want to say that while I don’t think she is on the show for Juan Pablo, I kind of like Lucy, she seems like a nice person, just a little insane.  (It also seems like she may be on the show to try to promote herself, but that’s the reason like 75% of people come on this dumb shows, so I won’t hold it against her right now).  After Victoria refuses to talk to him or come out of the bathroom, Juan Pablo decides it’s time to call it a night.  Kelly received the rose from the group date with Juan Pablo claiming she was the “best sport” for wearing body paint and a bald cap during the photo shoot.  (I feel like Juan Pablo just picked Kelly randomly because he was ready to go home).  Only other detail to note from this first group date, Cassandra told Juan Pablo about her son, no mention of the fact that Rodney Stuckey is the father yet though, guess she’s saving that for a one on one date.

The next day Juan Pablo heads over to the hotel production took Victoria to talk things over with her.  Victoria basically says that she just got really mad, and that she just feels emotions very intensely and can’t control them (in other words, she’s insane).  She does apologize to Juan Pablo, and finally admits that she might have been a little bit drunk, but it’s too little, too late.  Juan Pablo basically tells her that he has a daughter and isn’t looking for someone who can’t control themselves, he then sends her packing, deciding to have her skip out on the awkwardness of going back to the house for a rose ceremony.

Heading into the rose ceremony, Cassandra plays the role of this season’s single parent who is unsure if being on the show and away from their child is the right thing to do.  She is contemplating going home until she gets a pep talk from fellow mom Renee, and a reassurance from Juan Pablo that he wants her to stick around.  Juan Pablo Reaffirms that he wants Cassandra to stay when he gives her the first rose during the ceremony.  At the end of the night Chantal and Amy J. join Victoria is the women headed home this week.

Alright it’s getting late, so that’s all I’ve got for this week’s recap.  Next week it looks like we’ll be getting some more intense one on one dates, and the first mention of someone being a wh*re on this season (Kelly says Sharleen looks like a wh*re after she kisses Juan Pablo more than once in view of the other women).  So far I’m still really enjoying this season, I think we’ve got a lot of good things coming our way.  I’ll see you Thursday for a recap of The Real World Ex-Plosion, and next Tuesday for a recap of next week’s episode of The Bachelor.

 

 

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