Basically the Worst Birthday Present Ever (The Bachelor Episode 6 Recap)


This week, just to change things up, the producer’s decided to bring Juan Pablo and the ladies to “the perfect place to fall in love,” this week that place just happens to be New Zealand.  (Does anyone else feel like they are going to more interesting places this year? During Sean’s season one of the places they went was Montana.  No offense Montana, but you aren’t really stacking up with the globe-trotting they are doing this season).  We are down to eight ladies vying for Juan Pablo’s heart, and with all of the long shots eliminated last week this will be the most interesting rose ceremony we’ve had this season.  Mostly the rose ceremony will be interesting because it’s still very unclear who Juan Pablo is really connecting with the most, (kind of feels like nobody) so let’s get into this week’s dates and see if the we can get a better idea of who might be briefly engaged to Juan Pablo.


The first date this week is a one-on-one and it goes to the only person who hasn’t had an individual date yet, Andi.  Both Clare and Cassandra express surprise that Andi got the first one-on-one.  I’m not sure why Clare was surprised though, she should have learned last week that Juan Pablo loves playing a fair game.  For the first part of their date Juan Pablo takes Andi to a place called “the squeeze.”  In another attempt to get one of his harem to prove that they trust him, Juan Pablo leads Andi through a very tight corridor of boulders to a waterfall (as a bonus they have to wade through very cold water while making their way through “the squeeze.”  The waterfall at the end is beautiful and after providing several make out scenes worthy of a cheesy romance novel it’s time to move on to the dinner portion of the date.  I know I’ve said it before but they really need to get rid of the dinner portion of these dates with Juan Pablo.  This week with Andi there is even less conversation than normal as their talk is interrupted by the geyser they are sitting next to going off and spraying them with water.  All we learn is that Andi is on the show because she wants to find love and start a family, just like every other woman who has ever been on one of these shows (exception Sharleen, it’s not entirely clear why she came on the show).  Luckily for Andi it doesn’t take much to impress Juan Pablo, and even though they basically couldn’t converse at all during their dinner she still gets a rose and will be safe for another week.


For the first part of this week’s group date Juan Pablo takes the ladies Ogoing (the New Zealand version of Zorbing aka rolling down a hill in a giant ball).  Everyone is having a great time, and couldn’t be in a better mood, except for Cassandra who is a little down that she didn’t get any one-on-one time with Juan Pablo (poor Cassandra, things are about to get so much shittier for you).  During the cocktail party portion of the date Juan Pablo spends a lot of time making out with the women and pretending he understands what they are telling him.  After watching Juan Pablo for this many weeks I’m fairly certain he only understands about 5-10% of what the women are saying when they talk (that’s why he usually just cuts them off with kisses).  Just about the only message he seems to understand from his conversations during this cocktail party is that Cassandra’s feelings for him are much stronger than his are for her.  Cassandra has mentioned many times during this date that it is her 22nd birthday, and that the best gift she could receive would be the group date rose, unfortunately that isn’t going to happen.  After giving Sharleen the rose Juan Pablo asks Cassandra if he can speak to her again.  The girls naively are hoping he is just wishing her happy birthday but nope, it’s time for the first shocking exit of the season (ok so not really that shocking, but based on whats happened so far this is the best we’ve got).  Juan Pablo says that he and Cassandra aren’t in the same “chapter,” which is true, even though Cassandra has a son she is still more than 10 years younger than Juan Pablo.  Juany Pabs tells Cassandra that he doesn’t want to make her wait until the rose ceremony to see her son and sends her home immediately.  I feel bad for Cassandra, she seemed like a nice girl, but she was way too passive to ever bag a husband on a show like this.  After a long sad walk in the rain back to the set of The Hobbit, (where the cocktail party is taking place) Juan Pablo tells the women he didn’t see a future with Cassandra like he does with the women left in the room, and with that said it’s time for Clare’s one-on-one date.


Unfortunately during this second one-on-one date with Clare we get our best idea to date of what direction Juan Pablo is leaning in at this point.  During the day portion of their date, a picnic by a river, Juan Pablo kinda, sorta apologizes for what went down last week in Vietnam.  Juan Pablo says it was his mistake, and that he never meant to upset her, but stands by her opinion that they crossed a line (even though it’s hard to tell what line they crossed that night that they haven’t crossed many other times based on what they say happened – just some making out in the ocean).  The apology is enough to draw Clare back out of her “turtle shell,” and the duo head to dinner.  It has been obvious for a long time that Juan Pablo finds Clare very physically attractive, but when he asks her if he heart is starting to melt during dinner it gives us the first real idea that he might be interested in getting Clare past the fantasy suite.  It would be really nice if anyone but Clare was in this position, she is just so easy to dislike it’s ridiculous.  (Just check out Clare’s bio on The Bachelor website if what you’ve seen on the show doesn’t give you enough motivation to dislike her).  At this point I can’t see Clare going home anytime before the final three, but I certainly won’t be disappointed if I end up being surprised.

After a little chat with Chris Harrison, and some very important time spent studying the headshots of the ladies, it’s time for the rose ceremony cocktail party.  Nikki has the quote of the week during the cocktail party.  After telling Juan Pablo she likes him he responds by asking what does she like about him?  Nikki replies by saying: “umm…I just like you.”  This quote perfectly summarizes Juan Pablo’s connection with basically all the women.  (I’m sure Nikki was really regretting trying to have some sort of conversation instead of just making out which is always the safe bet with Juany Pabs).  As the rose ceremony approaches Kat and Chelsie are looking around and realizing that Sharleen, Clare and Andi already have roses and Nikki and Renee both seem to have a strong bond with Juan Pablo, which means one of them is most likely the other woman heading home this week.  Both Kat and Chelsie give Juan Pablo their best sales pitch, and in the end Chelsie’s complaining about not getting to spend enough time with him wins out over Kat spending more time talking about how her father was a neglectful alcoholic.

With Cassandra and Kat leaving us this week only six women (Clare, Sharleen, Nikki, Andi, Chelsie, and Renee) are left to take the trip to Juan Pablo’s home town of Miami for the next episode.  The previews for this week’s episode showed a lot of shots of an upset Sharleen talking about leaving the show, but it looks like that drama isn’t going to really pan out until next week with Sharleen stating at the end of this episode that she wants to give it one more week to see if she will feel more of a connection with Juan Pablo.  It looks like the drama between Clare and Nikki will also be returning for the next episode, so we have a lot to look forward to.  The Real World is taking a break this week so no post on Thursday, but I’ll be back next Tuesday with another recap of The Bachelor, have a good week everyone.

Thoughts/Questions/Comments – You can reach me via email – or on Twitter – @NoOneGoesToClev

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