First off, my apologies for being woefully absent from the blogging world the last couple of months. As I stated in a previous post, a new position at work has given me a lot less time to sit and rehash the reality television programming we all know and love. Also, in my defense the last couple of months have kind of been a wasteland on the reality tv front, after a lot of rich content this winter. The good news is that the spring of our reality tv discontent is coming to an end with the return of The Bachelorette this coming Monday (5/18). To get us excited about the shows return ABC released the bios of all the fellas who will be competing for the chance to briefly date either Kaitlyn or Britt. The is a lot of guys to cover, so many in fact that I’m planning to do this over a couple of days, so let’s not waste anymore time and get right into the guys. (Side note before I begin. I fully admit this is a ripoff of The Right Reason’s podcast which covers this same topic. This year Juliet and Jacoby did a live taping of their breakdown of all the new guys, and I highly recommend you check out their assessment as well. After reading this of course).
Name: Ben H.
Occupation: Software Salesman
Hometown: Denver, CO
All-time favorite movies: The Sandlot, Crash, 500 Days of Summer
Biggest date fear: Eating something that doesn’t agree with me and then sitting through the entire date fighting a stomach ache.
First Impression: Following the women from the last season of The Bachelor, many of the guys vying for Kaitlyn and Britt’s hearts are terrified are some sort of stomach ailment during a date. While this would certainly be shitty, pun intended, it certainly doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. My personal biggest date fear has always been being kidnapped and murdered. Granted this seems like a pretty unlikely scenario to happen while filming The Bachelorette with all the camera’s around, but in the real world it’s a totally legitimate fear and much more terrifying than a bathroom situation. (This fear also may be part of why I don’t date much). My other big takeaway from Ben is his response to what being married means to him. His response was: “It is a total sacrifice. Marriage is about a commitment to another person and total sacrifice to fulfill that commitment.” Wow, that sounds like a good time. I’m not sure why anyone who describes marriage this way would actually want to get married, but since there is very little chance of getting married by being on this show it seems like maybe Ben is in the right place for now.
Name: Ben Z.
Occupation: Fitness Coach
Hometown: San Jose, CA
All-time favorite movies: Gladiator, Gone in 60 Seconds, Wedding Crashers
Biggest date fear: Falling for someone that doesn’t feel the same way
First Impression: At first I liked this Ben a lot better than the other one. His first date fear is legit, he describes marriage as finding he can share his life with and “have a blast while doing it,” and he lists his mom (who seems to have passed away) as the person he would most like to have lunch with because he would take any extra second he could have with her. For most of his bio Ben Z. seems like a tall, good-looking, nice guy, but right at the end their was something concerning. In response to the most outrageous thing he’s ever done, he responds by saying he is working on this, as he used to be “pretty reserved or calculated.” Something using calculated there sets off alarm bells for me. Ben is either a jerk pretending to be a nice guy, or he’s trying to become the next Bachelor (or I’m completely overreacting and he’s just a super fella).
Occupation: International Auto Shipper
Hometown: Atlanta, GA
All-time favorite movies: Wolf of Wall Street, Will Ferrell movies, Rainman
Biggest date fear: Someone who can’t handle or understand my sarcasm
First Impression: For the most part Bradley seems pretty dull. I do however appreciate his date fear, as someone with a dry/sarcastic sense of humor this is a fear I have anytime I’m interacting with new people. According to his bio Bradley was an all-american division one tennis player. Doesn’t Andi play tennis? If things don’t work out with Britt or Kaitlyn maybe Bradley can go back to Atlanta and find love with the former Bachelorette.
Hometown: Nashville, TN
Top 3 favorite musical artists: Coldplay, The Lone Bellow, David Ramirez
Biggest date fear: Explosive diarrhea
First Impression: Brady is on the older end of the spectrum for Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants, never a good sign. He also really loves Coldplay, and lists Chris Martin as one of the people he most admires in the world for his “creativity, humility, charisma and wit.” I don’t see Brady being around for long so I’m not going to spend anymore time on him, but maybe he’ll get noticed by his hero Chris Martin after being on the show.
Hometown: Nashville, TN
All-time favorite movies: The Social Network, The Dark Knight, Dumb and Dumber
Biggest date fear: The girl tries to eat my food
First Impression: As someone who is very protective of their food, I can appreciate Chris’s date fear, his answer’s get pretty questionable after this though. His answer to what being married means to him was: “a lifelong partnership with someone to help you get through life’s challenges and leaving a legacy for the next generations.” I’m not sure how one leaves a legacy for future generations by being married. Unless of course you’re one of the few couples that actually gets married from this franchise. In that case your legacy lives on forever within the crazy people who watch every episode at least twice to write about it for their websites/blogs. The most interesting answer Chris gave was in response to if he prefers “hot spots” or low-key bars: “hot spots are designed for attractive young women and unattractive old men. I like bars because it’s where fun people go to meet each other.” I’m glad Chris know’s where to find the fun people, and how to avoid ending up in a club full of Donald Sterling type man followed by a harem of younger women.
Occupation: Architectural Engineer
Hometown: Chicago, IL
All-time favorite movies: Gladiator, Good Will Hunting, Tommy Boy
Biggest date fear: Saying too much or coming on strong
First Impression: Not a lot to work with in Clint’s bio, most of his answers were pretty short. The one response that did stand out was to the question of, “if you could be someone else for just one day who would it be?” Clint’s response was, “Chuck Norris, for obvious reasons.” Anyone who aspires to be Chuck Norris should be thrown out of the dating pool.
Occupation: Investment Banker
Hometown: New York, NY
Tattoos: Yes (they’re small)
All-time favorite movies: Last of the Mohicans, Good Will Hunting, The Departed
Biggest date fear: Boredom
What does being married mean to you?
Two people agreeing on a long-term vision of life and a family. A partnership with attraction, open communication, and ultimate trust.
Who do you admire most in the world?
No one in particular, but everyone who truly does what they love every day. I’m fascinated by these people that choose to do what they love no matter what anyone thinks.
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be?
The Dalai Lama — that’s an enlightened cat.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
The ability to do everything I wanted without needing sleep or losing my health and fitness. I would be able to drink and eat whatever I wanted and stay up all night, but I’d still be able to be productive, read, learn new things, travel, study, create businesses, help people, and never grow tired.
First Impression: I liked some of Corey’s answers, so I put his whole bio on here. I especially enjoyed his response to the superpower question. This seems like a great power to have. I’ve been trying to figure out if I have it by eating and drinking whatever I want, so far the results have not been great, but I’ve still got some more research to do before I reach any conclusions. I’ve got to question referring to the Dalai Lama (or anyone else for that matter) as “an enlightened cat,” but I’ll chalk it up to these surveys being done after an exhausting day of auditioning for the show.
Occupation: Residential Developer
Hometown: Pearland, TX
All-time favorite movies: Rudy, The Goonies, Along Came Polly
Biggest date fear: Finding out my date’s really a dude
First Impression: Cory’s bio was also pretty limited. The only things that really stand out are his first date fear, and his response to who he would be if he could be anyone for a day. to which he replied: “my younger self.” Cory seems like a bro possibly looking to relive his past glory days on the show, and not like someone on a genuine quest for “ForeverLove.”
Occupation: Fashion Designer
Hometown: Nashville, TN
All-time favorite movies: Big Fish, What Dreams May Come, Old School
Biggest date fear: My date being dishonest and manipulative
First Impression: If Daniel is worried about dishonesty and manipulation in relationships he’s certainly come to the right place, those things never happen on this show. Also it appears that the Bachelor capital may be moving south from Chicago, as Daniel is the third contestant on this season listing his hometown as Nashville. Only other takeaway from Daniel, he apparently wants to live a “baller” lifestyle, like the Prince of Monaco. I don’t think too many white fashion designer’s from Nashville lead the “baller” life, but there’s a first time for everything I suppose.
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Hometown: Orlando, FL
All-time favorite movies: 300, Fight Club, Inception
Biggest date fear: Bumping into an ex that makes a big scene
First Impression: David’s date fear makes me feel like he has a crazy ex that has done this before, and is possibly planning to cause a scene again while he’s on The Bachelorette. It’s been a couple of seasons since someone’s crazy current or ex significant other came on the show. I’m ready for it to happen again.
Occupation: Executive Recruiter
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
All-time favorite movies: Forrest Gump, Limitless, Taken
Biggest date fear: Someone that can’t hold a conversation
First Impression: The men generally don’t get nearly as much flack for lying about their age in their bios as the women, but I’m having a hard time believing Ian is only 28. Big hint that he’s lying: Ian lists Forrest Gump as one of his favorite movies. The only other person in the world who still likes Forrest Gump this much is my mom, and I’m guessing Ian is closer to her age than mine. Also Ian listed Jimmy Kimmel as the person he would most like to have lunch with. Looks like someone is just using Britt and Kaitlyn to try to land a lunch with the frequent Bachelor franchise guest.
Occupation: Restaurant Manager
Hometown: Warwick, RI
All-time favorite movies: The Social Network; Crazy, Stupid, Love; Superman (1978)
Biggest date fear: Don’t really have any
First Impression: The only interesting thing about Jared is his crazy jaw line. Other than that all his answers are perfectly normal, boring nice guy answers. Also he apparently volunteers at a camp for kids with cancer every summer. So if you’re into boring nice guys with a weird face this is the guy for you, I don’t have a lot of hopes for his time on the show.
Occupation: Former Investment Banker
Hometown: Denver, CO
All-time favorite movies: A River Runs Through It, Dumb and Dumber, Rocky
Biggest date fear: Wasting my time and money on someone who was just using me for dinner
First Impression: JJ used a popular franchise technique where you list your occupation as “former” followed by some impressive sounding job you had at some point in life. This is one step above “sport fishing enthusiast” (the “profession of one of the girls last season) on the lame job scale. Are all the people who list “former…” unemployed now and just trying to avoid admitting it on a survey for a national television show? If so JJ’s date fear would make sense. If I were unemployed I wouldn’t want to buy dinner for someone who was just using me for the meal either. If JJ is unemployed I’m guessing he was fired about his former employers found out the “most outrageous” thing he’s ever done: winning $20,000 from betting on an onside kick in a college football game. While I am a sports gambling enthusiast, I wouldn’t want someone with that investment strategy being my banker.
That’s it for part one of my breakdown of the guys vying for the hearts of Britt and Kaitlyn. I’ll be back tomorrow to pick things up with Joe and his wall of hair. See you then and check out The Right Reasons podcast on Grantland tomorrow afternoon for some more in-depth research into these bros.
Thoughts/Questions/Comments: Feel free to contact me via email: SHMcG223@gmail.com or on Twitter: @NoOneGoesToClev