The Bachelorette Bio Breakdown/Preview Part 2

bachelorette-twist-spoilers-britt-kaitlyn

I’m back to break down all the worthy information about the remaining fella’s that will be battling for the chance to maybe briefly date Britt or Kaitlyn in real life.  I’m currently running about 3 hours behind schedule for when I was going to start today’s post, so let’s get right into the guys.

Joe

Name: Joe

Age: 28
Occupation: Insurance Agent
Hometown: Columbia, KY
Height: 6’2″
Tattoos: None
All-time favorite movies: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Blind Side, American Sniper
Biggest date fear: Awkward silence

First Impression: As someone who has easily seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation more than 50 times, I can appreciate Joe’s fondness for it.  However, as much as I love watching that squirrel run around the house, there is very little chance I’m listing Christmas Vacation as one of my top 3 all-time favorite movies.  In response to where he sees himself in five years Joe replied: “Honestly that’s too far ahead. I’m a man that takes life one day at a time. If you look too far into the future you’ll ignore the present.”  I like the honesty here, a less sincere person could have gone for a response that involved being married to Britt or Kaitlyn.

Jonathan

Name: Jonathan

Age: 33
Occupation: Automotive Spokesman
Hometown: Detroit, MI
Tattoos: Yes
Favorite musical artists: Sam Smith, Snoop Dogg, Makonnen
Biggest date fear: For a woman to have bad breath

First Impression:  Jonathan considers himself romantic because he always tries to attend to a woman’s needs, and “not just in the bedroom” either.  He also wants to be mentored by Warren Buffett, so it seems like Jonathan is a great all around catch with big aspirations for himself.  Side note: Do we know if Britt brushes her teeth regularly?  We know she’s not a fan of showering, but I think we missed out on the rest of her hygiene routine.  If her brushing is as questionable as her showering Jonathan’s date fear could be coming true.

Josh

Name:  Josh

Age: 27
Occupation: Law Student/Exotic Dancer
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Height: 6’0″
Tattoos: Yes
All-time favorite movies: Mystic River, Selma, Wolf of Wall Street
Biggest date fear: She will have bad breath

First Impression:  Josh lists his occupation as law student/exotic dancer, however later in his bio he lists graduating from law school as his greatest accomplishment in life.  Something isn’t adding up here.  Also who would hire a lawyer that moonlights as an exotic dancer.  I think Josh possibly dresses up in judges robes as part of his exotic dancing routine, and decided to just say he went to law school.  In response to what marriage means to him Josh said: “It means you can no longer think about or consult only yourself. She is a part of you and you have to act accordingly.”  This sounds like the words of a guy who has not always acted “accordingly.”

Joshua

Name:  Joshua

Age: 31
Occupation: Industrial Welder
Hometown: Kuna, ID
Height: 6’2″
Tattoos: Nine
All-time favorite movies: Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy, The Hangover
Biggest date fear: My mom walking in holding a kleenex to my nose and ordering me to blow

First Impression:  Based on his biggest date fear I’m assuming Joshua’s mom is a little overbearing, and protective of her son.  She must not be too protective though because somehow he ended up with those nine tattoos.  Joshua says being married means “finding that one person that God had tailor-made just for me.”  Yep, that’s definitely Britt or Kaitlyn, made just for you, and the 24 other guys you’ll be competing against.

justin

Name:  Justin

Age: 28
Occupation: Fitness Trainer
Hometown: Naperville, IL
Height: 5’11”
Tattoos: One
All-time favorite movies: Limitless, Goodfellas, The Big Lebowski
Biggest date fear: Awkward silence

First Impression:  If Justin could be someone else for just one day he would be someone from a less privileged area or country because he feels it would be an “eye-opening/humbling experience.”  It’s hard for a fitness instructor bro to possibly image not living in his super privileged world, he would need to experience it first hand to understand what not being so awesome is like.  Okay, maybe I’m being too hard on Justin, but there is something about that answer that just rubbed me the wrong way.

Alright, not gonna lie, I’m just getting tired, so I’m going to wrap things up for today.  Check back Sunday evening for the remaining guys, and be sure to tune in Monday for the premiere of The Bachelorette.

Thoughts/Questions/Comments:  Feel free to contact me via email: SHMcG223@gmail.com or on Twitter: @NoOneGoesToClev

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