Kaitlyn Wins…the opportunity to be slut-shamed by a large group of men for the next 10 weeks (The Bachelorette Premiere Part 2 Recap)

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Last night confirmed what essentially everyone already knew, Kaitlyn is officially the newest Bachelorette.  After leaving us with a cliffhanger on Monday night Chris Harrison got right down to delivering the news to the women, and by right to I mean he drew it out for as long as possible, and threw in some Ryan Seacrest-y teasing, for Kaitlyn before letting her know Britt was sent home.  Sidenote:  They basically have to have two bachelors next season, right?  I mean that’s the only way this doesn’t look completely misogynistic and wrong.  I am anxiously awaiting the reveal during the After the FInal Rose special this season.  But anyways, let’s keep this ball rolling because  we’ve still got to break the news to the guys, and much to Kaitlyn’s surprise, there’s still a rose ceremony to contend with.

With Kaitlyn being announced as the bachelorette, the pressure moves on to the guys to impress her.  This task proves to be particularly daunting for the #TeamBritt guys who are now faced with the fact that their choice is no longer in the house.  But just because their dream wife just left in a limo doesn’t mean these guys shouldn’t stick around to get their 15 minutes of fame.  The only guys, who admitted to Kaitlyn they were hoping for Britt were Jared, who then proceeded to make his case for staying, and Brady who decided half way through the rose ceremony that he needed to bow out and go chase Britt down at her hotel.  Tony is especially upset, as he puts it there is “only one drinking fountain” that all the guys are now lined up at, and he might need to just go back home and “dig his own well.”  (It’s becoming more and more clear all the time why Tony is still on the market).

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As always, it appears that some of these people are not here for “the right reasons” The Bachelorette Premiere Part 1 Recap

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The weather is turning warmer, flower’s are blooming, this can only mean one thing.  It’s time to lock yourself inside and watch hours and hours of desperate people trying to find love.  It’s bachelorette season!  Last night the new season kicked off with a two-hour premiere that seemed to go by a lot faster than the three-hour marathon before the start of Chris’s season of The Bachelor.  If you haven’t watched last night’s episode yet, or even if you have, I highly suggest checking out Juliet Litman’s interview with the two ladies.  Despite what it looked like in the past, Kaitlyn and Britt seem to genuinely like each other, and Britt comes across as dramatically less annoying when she isn’t crying over Chris ever 15 seconds.  That being said, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover so let’s get started with the limo introductions.

Before the men arrive Chris Harrison tells the women the men will decide which of them is selected as The Bachelorette.  Britt with her trademark upbeat personality is accepting of this twist, and feels the process will still be successful.  Kaitlyn on the other hand just looks pissed, and her response after Britt finishes talking is, “yea, we’re very different people.” After a few more words of encouragement from Chris Harrison is time for the guys to arrive.  Initially production show’s a lot of support for #TeamBritt, most likely to try and throw off all the spoilers for the last few months that have Kaitlyn being the winner of this love battle.  There were far fewer crazy stunts coming out of the limo than in past seasons, probably due to the time crunch of having to talk to both girls.  JJ brought and hockey puck and told Kaitlyn he’d love to “puck” her, which she thought was hilarious.   Joe brought a jar of moonshine, and Justin, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear brought balloons and took a shot of helium before chatting Kaitlyn up.  After meeting Shawn B. who literally swept Britt off her feet before turning to Kaitlyn and saying that she was his reason for coming, Kaitlyn runs into the house to say see the guys for a second and my new found good feelings towards Britt went out the door.  Britt complains that Kaitlyn going inside of unfair and “cheating.”  Question for Britt: Why didn’t you just run in after her?  Britt should know by now that all’s fair in love, war, and crazy reality shows where desperate people fight for screen time in an effort to find love (or an acting contract).

The big drama of the night is Ryan M. and his level of intoxication.  Aside from the rape joke, which was clearly in bad taste, and one of the only times I really believed he was wasted, I kind of liked Ryan.  Most of the things he said were funny, and it seems pretty clear he came on this show to be the funny, crazy guy on night one and not because he actually wanted to marry Britt or Kaitlyn.  Unfortunately for Ryan, Chris Harrison catches wind of the fact that someone might not be there for “the right reasons,” and he gets an early ride out of the mansion and back to the junkyard.  (Ryan M. listed his profession as junkyard specialist, in case anyone missed that in his bio).

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The Bachelorette Bio Breakdown/Preview Part 1

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First off, my apologies for being woefully absent from the blogging world the last couple of months.  As I stated in a previous post, a new position at work has given me a lot less time to sit and rehash the reality television programming we all know and love.  Also, in my defense the last couple of months have kind of been a wasteland on the reality tv front, after a lot of rich content this winter.  The good news is that the spring of our reality tv discontent is coming to an end with the return of The Bachelorette this coming Monday (5/18).  To get us excited about the shows return ABC released the bios of all the fellas who will be competing for the chance to briefly date either Kaitlyn or Britt.  The is a lot of guys to cover, so many in fact that I’m planning to do this over a couple of days, so let’s not waste anymore time and get right into the guys.  (Side note before I begin.  I fully admit this is a ripoff of The Right Reason’s podcast which covers this same topic.  This year Juliet and Jacoby did a live taping of their breakdown of all the new guys, and I highly recommend you check out their assessment as well.  After reading this of course).

The Guys

Ben H

Name: Ben H.

Age: 26
Occupation: Software Salesman
Hometown: Denver, CO
Height: 6’4″
Tattoos: One
All-time favorite movies: The Sandlot, Crash, 500 Days of Summer
Biggest date fear: Eating something that doesn’t agree with me and then sitting through the entire date fighting a stomach ache.

First Impression:  Following the women from the last season of The Bachelor, many of the guys vying for Kaitlyn and Britt’s hearts are terrified are some sort of stomach ailment during a date.  While this would certainly be shitty, pun intended, it certainly doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen.  My personal biggest date fear has always been being kidnapped and murdered.  Granted this seems like a pretty unlikely scenario to happen while filming The Bachelorette with all the camera’s around, but in the real world it’s a totally legitimate fear and much more terrifying than a bathroom situation. (This fear also may be part of why I don’t date much).  My other big takeaway from Ben is his response to what being married means to him.  His response was: “It is a total sacrifice. Marriage is about a commitment to another person and total sacrifice to fulfill that commitment.”  Wow, that sounds like a good time.  I’m not sure why anyone who describes marriage this way would actually want to get married, but since there is very little chance of getting married by being on this show it seems like maybe Ben is in the right place for now.

Ben Z

Name: Ben Z.

Age: 26
Occupation: Fitness Coach
Hometown: San Jose, CA
Height: 6’4″
Tattoos: Two
All-time favorite movies: Gladiator, Gone in 60 Seconds, Wedding Crashers
Biggest date fear: Falling for someone that doesn’t feel the same way

First Impression:  At first I liked this Ben a lot better than the other one.  His first date fear is legit, he describes marriage as finding he can share his life with and “have a blast while doing it,” and he lists his mom (who seems to have passed away) as the person he would most like to have lunch with because he would take any extra second he could have with her.  For most of his bio Ben Z. seems like a tall, good-looking, nice guy, but right at the end their was something concerning.  In response to the most outrageous thing he’s ever done, he responds by saying he is working on this, as he used to be “pretty reserved or calculated.”  Something using calculated there sets off alarm bells for me.  Ben is either a jerk pretending to be a nice guy, or he’s trying to become the next Bachelor (or I’m completely overreacting and he’s just a super fella).

Bradley

Name: Bradley

Age: 25
Occupation: International Auto Shipper
Hometown: Atlanta, GA
Height: 6’2″
Tattoos: One
All-time favorite movies: Wolf of Wall Street, Will Ferrell movies, Rainman
Biggest date fear: Someone who can’t handle or understand my sarcasm

First Impression:  For the most part Bradley seems pretty dull.  I do however appreciate his date fear, as someone with a dry/sarcastic sense of humor this is a fear I have anytime I’m interacting with new people.  According to his bio Bradley was an all-american division one tennis player.  Doesn’t Andi play tennis?  If things don’t work out with Britt or Kaitlyn maybe Bradley can go back to Atlanta and find love with the former Bachelorette.

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