Freaks and Friendzones: Below Deck Season 4 Episode 5 Recap


As an avid fan of Below Deck since season one I’m not sure why it’s taken me such a long time to finally add the show to my recaps.  It might have something to do with the fact that I haven’t added any recaps in months, but I’m working on getting this site back up and running with a decent portion of this season of Below Deck still left and a new season of The Real World debuting next week.  Anyways, enough with my excuses and (maybe) false promises, let’s get into this week’s episode.

The highlight of this week’s episode is the chest/back waxing of two charter guests after one of the saddest push up contests in recorded history.  While these men are apparently extremely wealthy, they clearly aren’t very vain or it seems like they would have sprung for some hair removal at an earlier point in their lives instead of arriving in the Caribbean looking like big foots long-lost cousins.  This already fairly awkward activity ends when one highly intoxicated guest asks if they can see Emily’s “v.” To her credit instead of getting upset Emily laughs awkwardly and asks if she can get anyone anything to drink.  However if she really cared about their tip she would have just taken one for the team and shown him, I guess she’s not really a team player after all. (Also, since it’s been awhile, I’m kidding for anyone who thinks I’m an asshole right about now).  After a charter that included a 12 course dinner and laminated chest hair, it’s finally time for this group of guests to leave the boat, and just to solidify their position of some of the creepier guests in the shows history they leave a large portion of their twenty grand tip in singles.

With the guests off the boat it’s time for the crew to head out to celebrate another successful charter, and its time for Nico and Kelley to continue their battle for who will win Emily’s heart (or at least win the chance to bang her until the season is over).  Everyone is in good spirits as the gang heads out to party with the exception of Lauren, who seems to slowly be coming to the realization that she’s been put in the dreaded “friendzone” by Nico.  While Lauren wallows in her sorrows on the beach, Nico goes full steam ahead with his plans to win over Emily by dancing and pounding drinks.  Everything is going great with Nico’s plan until Kelley tells Emily that Nico has a girl back home.  Not interested in being involved with a potential cheater, Emily distances herself from Nico.  Not to be discouraged Nico aka “Freako” attempts to make out with both Sierra and Emily once the crew is back on ship.  Just in case Lauren wasn’t feeling badly enough already, not only is Nico not into her, he is into virtually every other female cast member, aside from newly out lesbian Kate.

This week’s episode wraps up with the introduction of a new deckhand, and a new set of charter guests.  In his brief time of camera so far all we’ve really learned about new deckhand Kyle is that his British accent is particularly difficult to understand, and he has a child with a woman he met during a pub crawl.  And the only thing we’ve learned about the new group of charter guests is that it appears they’re going to be wasted their entire stay, and based on the preview for next week’s episode it looks like they may get smashed to bits on a coral reef.  Next week also features the arrival of Kate’s girlfriend, and a potential battle between Kelley and Captain Lee. I look forward to seeing you all again next week for Below Deck and the new season of The Real World.


Thoughts/Questions/Comments: I can be reached via email – or on Twitter @NoOneGoesToClev